session #002: many minutes afterward, in the foreign sector

Welcome to the second session, my loyal peons.

This time, we will be reviewing some foreign films I have seen. Yay for us. Get ready, motherfucker.

ERRATUM: No one was planning to "Liev Schreiber" the President in The Manchurian Candidate. Rather, they planned to MAKE Liev Schreiber the President. Through evil.

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Kid's Return
Takeshi Kitano's only really bad movie. Artsy bullshit about two Japanese delinquent assholes who take other kid's lunch money and want to go into boxing. Except one of them sucks at it and calls himself "Red Lightning" and then decides to be a yakuza cause he's an idiot, and the kids whose lunch money he took beat the shit out of him (I think). The other one could be all Rocky and shit, but then he hangs out with this other boxer who drinks and has bulimia. Then one of them (the skinny dumbass yakuza one) dies. Or should die. It's stupid. They also have a lot of pointless long shots involving bikes.

Fallen Angels
A movie concerning a hitman and a crazy guy who opens businesses after they close and forces people to buy ice cream should not be emo. But this one is. Moreover, it's emo in a very nice and heartstring-tugging way. Wong Kar-wai gets the props.

Delicatessen
Postapocalyptic "Fawlty Towers" with a romantic comedy and killing subplot. Funny as SHIT. Watch while you're intoxicated for double the fun!

Angel Dust
I would highly recommend this movie if I didn't break down into a sobbing, gibbering mess at the mere mention of its name. This movie will hit your psyche with a hammer. Over and over and over again. It's a really cool movie but it will twist your psyche like a kid with a rubber band and a lot of time on their hands. When they call it "Silence of the Lambs on acid", they aren't kidding.

Sonatine
The first half of this movie is not so much a Takeshi Kitano gangster flick as it is an exposé on Stupid Games Yakuza Play When They're Drunk/Bored. You will laugh very, very hard. Then, with the death of a henchman named "fuck", the violence breaks out. It ends with what can only be called an arthouse gunfight. Very recommended.

Hour of the Wolf
Ingmar Bergman horror flick. Classic Ingmar Bergman in that it takes your brain and thoroughly rapes it. By the point you see a guy walk up a wall for no discernable reason and start talking philosophy to the main character, you will have lost all respect for Sweden. And when you see the sex scene, you will lose all faith in humanity and die on the inside.

The Passion of Anna
We call it....SLUT.

(Understanding that in-joke is the only reason to see this movie. Ever.)