session #004: because i was bored this one night, and...

There are few things in life more horrifying than imagining George Lucas remaking 2001. Unless it's Wes Craven remaking anything. Except if the movie was titled Fucking Bullshit, Yay.

But you don't care. Review of several Kiyoshi Kurosawa movies coming up. Oh fuckshit, dude.

Thought for the day: If the world were ruled by Asian cultures, there would be no bootleg DVDs.

---

From Hell

Absinthe. Johnny Depp. Jack the Ripper.

"HOLY SHIT! ASH IS A FUCKING ROBOT!"

Die Hard

Without this movie, we would have no debate on whether or not John McClane would win in a deathmatch against the Death Star, and that would make me sad. This is the absolute zenith of bad American action movies. If you haven't seen this movie, then you are a filthy terrorist commie pinko shit. Also, you're probably French.

Thirteen

The plot of this movie is that a girl turns into a thirteen-year-old slut and drinks and has sex with men. And then she decides that "I'd better stop, or I might start drinking and having sex with men!" But it's too late. It's sort of like if you turned to the Dark Side in Star Wars and then you wanted to come back to be a Jedi. Except that they took you back because the Jedi are your mom.

Snatch

I need to learn how to type Pikey. I really do. And if you don't understand what I mean, then you must see this movie, you 'orrible cunt. Or I'll feed you to the pigs.

The Boondock Saints

"Fine. Get your fuckin' rope."

Repo Man

This movie exists on the same level as does the world you see in your dreams where Mongols rule the earth and vie for power with giant glowing insects. If you ever want to have any respect for the eighties as a decade, this movie is just not for you. Also, EMILIO ESTEVEZ IS A FAG. There. I said it.