session #005: you have much to learn, young samurai.

So yeah. I was lying about the Kiyoshi Kurosawa movies. I'm a lying piece of shit like that.

However, this update will give you three juicy Japanese films and one extremely scary film that no one should ever be subjected to, in the little nutshell you've come to expect from me, the BE. Thank you all for making this blog possible...NOT. Now get the fuck out.

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Gojoe: Spirit War Chronicle

If Versus, instead of being epic, campy, and silly as all fuck, had been epic, gritty, and filled with very deep meaning, it would be this movie. This movie redefines the samurai film, and it does it so beautifully you can't help but applaud. It's absolutely wonderful, and the fight scenes are amazing. Also, Tadanobu Asano is the fucking pimp of all Japanese actors. Ever.

The Blind Swordsman, Zatoichi

Why should you see this movie? Well, let's see...

Takeshi Kitano? As a blind man who can wield a katana with a force and grace I have seen in no other movie? Starring alongside Tadanobu Asano? The plot was almost as spaghetti-western than Kill Bill, but it's not like we MIND that, do we? Especially when it comes with the most realistic samurai action EVER. The day Tarantino and Kitano team up, the world will be such a better place.

BONUS: This one can be found with the DVD of Sonatine included. SUREFIRE DOUBLE WIN.

Samurai Fiction

Another movie that redefines the samurai epic; except it does so in a brilliant, feel-good sendup of the old Akira Kurosawa films that will both move you and make your sides split with laughter....and what's really brilliant about it is, it does this with so much style. This movie is so classy it, like, emanates style. From its nonexistent pores. It's fucking awesome.

Ichi the Killer

......*blink*

.......WHAT.....THE.....HELL?!?!??!?!?!?!

...........*twitch violently*

NO!!! SERIOUSLY!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!????!!!!

*claw at eyes and curl up in the fetal position, whimpering*