session #008: the joys of smokin' crack.

Crack is good. Crack is fun. Crack's a great time for everyone! ADDICT YOUR KIDS TO CRACK TODAY. Or I'll kidnap them and eat their livers raw, bitch.

Uhm...yeah. So now it's time for movie reviews?

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Dawn of the Dead

The original George Romero flick. Not the shitty "it's the Real World, with zombies and shit!" remake done by God-knows-who. This movie is instead the story of four bad motherfuckers against a world of zombies that munch human flesh and are always hungry. It has zombie-killing. It has intestine-munching. It has Pete, for Christ's fucking sake. I rest my case.

"When there's no more room in Hell....the Dead will walk the Earth."

Assault on Precinct 13

Uhm....wow. This is not entertaining at all. This is fucking bullshit. John Carpenter, you are an irredeemable asshole. I mean...Jesus. Only you could make a cop movie this terrible, and only the 80s could ever have let you produce it without having the film community declare a fatwa on your punk ass.

"When there's no more room in the projects, the blacks will walk the Earth. And the Mexicans will be with them."

Shark Skin Man and Peach Hip Girl

This guy is the closest thing Japan has to Quentin Tarantino (NO, TAKASHI MIIKE DOES NOT COUNT. TAKASHI MIIKE IS IN HIS OWN FUCKING UNIVERSE.), and this frenetic ultra-action love story between two of the most unlikely characters (Asano? As a HERO? As a fucking OKAY GUY? Yeah, he's a Yakuza, but...but...STILL!) with plenty of wonderful and hilarious twists and turns is evidence of his great talent. Don't fucking BLINK, though, or you'll miss a plot point...or something really funny.